Who I am? How many times do you have to answer this question? surely thousands. Many times you will have answered only your name. Others, your profession or occupation. How easy or safe these labels are for us, ¿no? “I am an accountant”, “I am the mother of…”, “I am an artist”. Sometimes it is more comfortable to answer this question with the artillery of titles, links and comparisons that we believe give us support, they define us or inflate our chest, but… who are we really? Are we defined beings or are we in constant construction?? We invite you to discover it in this first chapter.
We start the first chapter with big questions. How did you feel when you had to answer who you are?? Was it difficult or easy for you?? whatever your situation, the idea is to accompany you so that, after these first pages, you can reconnect with yourself and also look at yourself differently, to face projects with more confidence.
To be able to look at you from another side, The first step that we propose is to leave behind the labels, Titles, links, and what mentions you bring with you. AND, to take this path, a good starting point is to be aware of this huge list of identifications. Because things are not always as they did not tell or as we believed. But let's go step by step.
THE OBSERVER PRINCIPLE
How many times do you have a fixed idea and you don't stop until you find someone who has the same point of view on the subject?? and how many, once you have accomplished your mission, you realize that it wasn't quite like that either? how much wasted energy! Accept that there is another who feels, sees and really believes that something is different, it frees us and forces us at the same time, to the responsibility and challenge of learning to live together with and in our differences.
The observer principle is one of the basic principles of ontological coaching; part of establishing that we don't know how things really are, but
we simply know how we observe or interpret them. We live in interpretive worlds. what is reality, then? Is it what we can observe with our senses or is it something different?
Our perception of reality is conditioned by many factors.. We are being influenced and shaped by:
• Different situations and circumstances that surround us.
• Our judgments and opinions.
• The experiences lived.
• Our successes and failures.
• The companies.
• Teachings, cultural norms, of the time (which
• Carl G. Jung called the collective unconscious).
SHUFFLE AND DEAL AGAIN
Then: Is reality something objective?, unalterable, static? No. On the next page we share with you a not so traditional version of a classic tale to exemplify that maybe not everything is as we were told..
THE SLANDER WOLF
The forest was my home. I lived there and took care of him. I was trying to keep it nice and clean. On a sunny day, while removing rubbish left by a caravan, I heard footsteps. I jumped up and hid behind a tree and saw a little girl coming down the path, bringing a basket.
Right away, I suspected her because she was dressed in a ridiculous way, all in red and with her head covered as if she didn't want anyone to recognize her. It's clear I stopped to find out who it was. I asked him: I also asked him where he was going and more things like that.
He told me that he was going to see his grandmother to bring her food. In the background, I thought it was quite honest, but i was in my forest, of course, she looked weird with that weird hood. I decided, well, show her how dangerous it was to cross the forest alone and dressed that way. I let him go his way, but I went ahead to his grandmother's house. When I saw that kind old lady, I explained my concern to her and she agreed that her granddaughter needs a lesson right away. We agreed that granny would hide under the bed until I called her..
when the little girl arrived, I invited her to come into the sleeping room; I had gone to bed disguised in grandmother's clothes. The girl, all white and red, came in and said something unkind about my big ears. I had been insulted before and so I went out of my way and suggested that my big ears served me well., and a lot, to hear better. She made another comment about my googly eyes. You can imagine what I began to feel for that unpleasant girl. AND, since it was normal for me to turn the other cheek, I told her that my bulging eyes helped me to see her better.
The following insult hurt me deeply. Indeed, my problem is that i have very big teeth and she made an offensive remark about them.
I know that I would have had to control myself, but I jumped out of bed and told him, growling, that they were going to serve me to eat it better.
let's talk seriously: no wolf would eat a girl and everyone knows it. But the little girl started running around the house like crazy, screaming and me following her to reassure her.
I took off Grandma's clothes and it was even worse. Suddenly, the door of the house opened and a huge ranger appeared with an ax. I looked into his eyes and it didn't take long for me to realize that I had gotten myself into trouble.. Behind me, there was an open window and i slipped out that way without thinking twice.
I'd like to say how the whole story ended, but that grandmother never told my version. after a short time, word spread that I was a very bad and unfriendly guy, and everyone started avoiding me. I haven't heard from the girl again., who wore that ridiculous red hood, but after that day I could no longer be happy.
How many times are you convinced of something and life, of a slap, it changes your perspective and, from there, the way of seeing and thinking? Without going further, the isolation that we live with the coronavirus forced us to stop, showed us a new way of living, to communicate, put other priorities. Maybe the void has also appeared, our need for change has become evident: life change, of work, From home, of links and, along with that, the fear of change. On balance, it is hopeful to consider the opportunity to change, to transform you. Looking at that reality as you have never done before is the proposal and the challenge. understand who you really are, how did you get to be the person you are now, understand what your lenses are, your graduation, your frame, your dye. This is the beginning of an own look, the beginning of self-knowledge and conscious observation. This will help you know what resonates with you and what doesn't.. What do you feel is true and what would you like to change?.
RECONNECT TO GROW
Connecting with yourself will always help you live from a self-reference with more form, It will help you understand that there is much you inherited from others that you may want to leave behind.. There are a thousand and one ways to travel this winding road and, sincerely, never ends. We can say that it is a process to recognize ourselves, take care of ourselves, develop and feel comfortable in our own skin. Although there is always something to improve and discover, don't you think? What grace life would have if it were not a path of learning; However, how many times did you want to change something, stop acting or feeling a certain way, and it discourages you to see that it is very difficult for you. Quiet, contrary to what we have been led to believe, if we don't propose them, we can all change. For a start, we will act differently, thus, the result will mutate. As Albert Einstein said: If you always do the same, do not expect different results”. Go, then, for the new results!
YOUR COHERENCE STRUCTURE
You start the process of looking at yourself and it seems that there is something that is repeated, and again, like a pattern. This has to do with what in coaching we identify as the coherence structure. This structure is formed by body, language and emotion. How many times do politically correct answers come out of your mouth?? How many others don't you dare to say "no"? It often happens that, no matter how much you don't say it, actually, something bothers you and your body takes its toll through a stomach ache (body) or excessive crying (emotion); O, Conversely, you spontaneously respond outrageously, I mean, you speak without filter (language). Our structure is not independent, it is not autonomous, and it is very important to record our reactions and automatic responses, pay attention to what happens to us in these fields, if we hope to understand what happens to us with what worries us. Let's try an exercise. Imagine that you face that talk again, awkward encounter or situation: would you like it to be different? So take a moment and after experiencing it, write down:
• Is what you said really what you thought?
• Did your body show you any particular sensations?
• What emotion could you relate to that moment you just experienced??
This will be the initial kick to look at you differently. Now that you know that your idea of who you are is made up of endless data and learned and inherited beliefs that perhaps say little about you, it is worth remembering that this applies to everyone.
TOOLS TO KNOW YOU DEEPLY
PODCAST: Enric Corbera, emotional legacies, a punishment or an opportunity?
TED TALK: Catherine Reitman, A guide to believe in yourself.
BOOK: Deepak Chopra, The 7 spiritual laws of success.
E-BOOK: Andrea Churba, The skills we developed in quarantine.
By Cecilia Faraco
Bachelor of Marketing and ontological coach
Consultant and coach at DINKA